about

here’s a mighty long list of wenchy goodness:

  1. i am happily married.
  2. i was lucky enough to find my dave.
  3. at the time he was just a bit reluctant, but i am one persistent wench.
  4. we were married august 31, 2003. it truly was the most amazing day of my life.
  5. i’ve never been happier.
  6. well, july 6, 2005 was pretty kick-ass too, that brought our beautiful daughter, teela.
  7. you can sing our daughter’s name to the tune of john jacob jingleheimer schmidt.
  8. my family kicks ass.
  9. i am the oldest of three kids.
  10. i have a sister three years younger than and a brother fourteen years younger.
  11. my folks and i had what is best termed a “difficult” relationship when i was a psychotic teenager, but now i adore them to the ends of the earth. they are two of the most witty and wacky people i know.
  12. i have good friends.
  13. i have always been lucky in finding friends.
  14. unfortunately i’m not the best friend to maintain a friendship.
  15. i’m not good at remembering to call people.
  16. i have an entire spare family of people who are precious to me living in west virginia.
  17. i hate mayonnaise.
  18. except in tuna salad.
  19. i’m a bit of a tart.
  20. if you are standing near me, i’ll flirt with you. man or woman - mineral or vegetable. if you are in my proximity, you are fair game.
  21. i am a member of the society for creative anachronism. we aren’t nearly the dorks we are made out to be.
  22. i am a pagan - or witch if you prefer.
  23. i was raised catholic and became pagan at 16.
  24. i’ve been a member of a couple of covens.
  25. currently i am a solitary witch. i fall into that “eclectic” school
  26. i answer quicker to the name “una” than “erin”
  27. my pagan name is oonagh lokisdottir.
  28. my medieval name is una min.
  29. more people know me under these names than my real name.
  30. i lost my license for a year.
  31. in new jersey it is illegal to drive without insurance.
  32. i was nailed the day my insurance was cancelled for non-payment.
  33. i love to drive.
  34. i make road trips constantly.
  35. seven to ten hour stretches in the car are nothing to me.
  36. road trips are a sort of religion for this wench.
  37. i abuse my cars.
  38. i once let my toyota tercel go for over 80,000 miles without an oil change.
  39. my boyfriend at the time (a car guy) was ready to beat me when he found out.
  40. it took hours for the oil to drain out.
  41. it drove much better after that.
  42. i was quite the internet slut for a while.
  43. i even went to far as to fly to minnesota to meet up with one of my fellas.
  44. i love to cook.
  45. i unfortunately have the lousiest kitchen in the world.
  46. i dream of someday having a home where i can actually cook meals without needing to do gymnastics to get to the stove top.
  47. too much joy is my favorite band.
  48. if you’ve never heard them, i’m afraid i’ll subject you to them at the earliest opportunity.
  49. i spent a year in alcoholics anonymous.
  50. i met some of the strongest and most interesting people ever there
  51. i didn’t necessarily have to be there for any drinking problem, but it was campus mandated.
  52. i had a little trouble in college.
  53. i was a cutter for many years.
  54. i kept it secret.
  55. i still have scars, but instead of hiding them now, i see them as a badge of how bad things can get. (it’s a goddamned lonely place to live. if you relate, feel free to email me. i’m not a doctor, but sometimes it’s just nice to have someone to talk to. if you think this is funny or bizarre or creepy, you’d most likely be astounded to know how many young girls are self-mutilators.)
  56. i am a big pothead.
  57. don’t tell my parents…they enjoy living in denial.
  58. i just can’t get my panties in an uproar for most white boys.
  59. i don’t know why.
  60. my husband blames my raging case of “yellow fever”.
  61. i totaled my parent’s car four times.
  62. i also had an insurance lawsuit over my head for three years for over a million dollars.
  63. i once had over 20 points on my license.
  64. i was not always the fantastic driver i am today.
  65. i love gadgets.
  66. i love hi-tech toys.
  67. if i could find a vibrator with cell phone and wireless internet capabilities, i’d be in heaven.
  68. i don’t really believe in heaven.
  69. i’m a reincarnationist.
  70. i suspect that on my next turn of the wheel through life i will be coming back as a housecat.
  71. i am a fairy princess.
  72. it’s a delusion i’ve been harboring since childhood. though i may not have a full-fledged kingdom, i remain the crown princess over all i survey.
  73. try and stop me.
  74. i speak french.
  75. well, i speak a little french.
  76. and after years of dating a big loud (yet lovable) dominican man, i’m also pretty proficient in spanish cussing.
  77. i plan to learn chinese.
  78. i just took my first overseas trip.
  79. i went to hong kong and taiwan. it was fantastic.
  80. i recommend all americans have some sort of interaction in an asian country at least once. it makes you think differently.
  81. one of my biggest pet peeves is people who don’t properly use adverbs.
  82. that’s my only grammar nazi trait. i enforce it regularly too.
  83. i have no living grandparents.
  84. i feel like i am missing out because of this. all my grandparents were old and cranky by the time i came along.
  85. i especially feel badly for my little brother, who has never really had a grandparent.
  86. i can’t wait to have kids.
  87. once we start breeding, i want a huge family.
  88. if dave has his way, we’ll have 63 kids.
  89. i’m a cat person.
  90. this doesn’t stop dogs from loving me.
  91. dogs smell bad. meow.
  92. i just realized i’ve made two comments about cats in this list.
  93. i don’t like cats that much at all.
  94. in fact i’m really a snake person.
  95. we have a five foot long ball python named monty. he rocks.
  96. i have been a fat chick all my life.
  97. i remember wearing my mother’s clothes in grade school.
  98. i strained the scales at over three hundred pounds for a while.
  99. only recently have i started dieting.
  100. i am now smaller than i was when i was fifteen years old.
  101. i have been a fat chick with glasses.
  102. i have contact lenses.
  103. i hated my glasses growing up, i had big red plastic sally jesse raphael frames. i don’t know what i was thinking.
  104. now i love to wear my glasses.
  105. i have been a fat chick with glasses and braces.
  106. i pulled the braces of my teeth with a pair of pliers when i was sixteen.
  107. i had cement across my front teeth until i was twenty years old.
  108. i never went back to the orthodontist. he scared me.
  109. i am a snooper.
  110. if you invite me to your house, be assured i will go through your medicine cabinet when i’m in your potty.
  111. i used to love sneaking around the houses where i would babysit.
  112. i’ve had multiple knee surgeries.
  113. on both knees.
  114. i’ve gone through decades of physical therapy.
  115. now, i’ve got some damned good looking gams
  116. i’m a gemini.
  117. i don’t necessarily believe in horoscopes, but i sure am at least two people inside my head.
  118. i stayed in the catholic church until i was sixteen, just so i could be confirmed, just so i could get an extra name.
  119. the nuns wouldn’t let me take jezebel.
  120. i spent a few years as a vegetarian.
  121. i have a great love of tofu because of this.
  122. i also used to sneak cans of chefboyardee ravioli.
  123. i used to be the queen of self-piercing.
  124. i’ve pierced frightfully delicate parts of my anatomy with safety pins.
  125. most of those holes have healed over now.
  126. i once saw an evil monkey on clinton road
  127. i’m a smoker, i’m a joker. i’m a midnight toker. i also like al roker.
  128. i am a reality tv junkie.
  129. most impressively, i’m not ashamed of it.
  130. i’ve applied to be on jeopardy three times.
  131. i suspect alex trebeck is frightened of me.
  132. i used to supplement my income when i was in college by writing other people’s papers. incredibly everyone else would get better grades than i.
  133. i believe that people are inherently good.
  134. i saw def leppard in concert. of this i am not proud.
  135. people either adore me or hate me.
  136. crazy people, fat chicks and men with purses love me.
  137. skinny girls hate me.
  138. i have only sang karaoke once in my life.
  139. it was in hong kong.
  140. i was forced to sing air supply.
  141. the first album i ever bought msyelf was bonnie tyler
  142. i was a notorious shoplifter as a teenaged girl.
  143. my biggest haul was about $700.00 in jewelry.
  144. i was never caught.
  145. i once read a cop’s tarot cards to get out of a ticket.
  146. my car insurance was over seven thousand dollars at it worst.
  147. i do not know my right from my left.
  148. it’s a learning disability. it rains havoc on my road trips.
  149. i once got lost in west virgina for ten hours.
  150. west virginia isn’t that big.
  151. i had an excellent elementary shool education. i had some of the most amazing teachers.
  152. i feel guilty for being such a monster.
  153. i once bit a teacher’s hand.
  154. halloween is my favorite holiday.
  155. we leave our decorations up year round, much to the chagrin of our neighbors.
  156. my favorite foreign phrase is “tovagliolino impiccio” which is poorly translated italian for “pickled doily.”
  157. my best friend in high school and i named ourselves after minor shakespearean characters.
  158. she was ditillio.
  159. i was balthazar.
  160. my favorite color is orange.
  161. my hair color has changed so many times not even my parents could guess my natural color.
  162. i think its brown.
  163. my message to humanity is “never wax your own pubic hair”
  164. i dance like a muppet.
  165. i love to cook
  166. i once set my hair on fire cooking bacon.
  167. i once got my hair stuck in a sewing machine
  168. my hair takes a lot of abuse
  169. i wear it short now.
  170. things are much safer
  171. i have an irrational disgust of feet
  172. i love scary movies
  173. i’ve never seen a scary movie about feet.
  174. i love blogging.
  175. i also love the sound of my own voice
  176. i assume the two are related.

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